Church for me on Sunday was really weird. It was my second time being back at KWCF since returning home. I kept being confronted by all kinds of conflicting thoughts and emotions. It seemed really strange to me that we put a rock band up there on the stage to play for us, and we clap and sing along and call it 'praise and worship'. And I don't know why I felt this way - rather cynical about it all. This was one thing I missed so from my church back home while I was at church in Ukraine - the music. But now when I'm back I have trouble appreciating it. And I found myself being more critical and analysing of everything that was said, in the sermon, in the announcements, everything. Maybe it's because I can understand every word, so I thought more about everything I heard. And those thoughts were sometimes of the 'what a strange thing to say - why would they say that?' variety. It was weird. On the one hand, I feel so glad to be back and it's refreshing to have a familiar service, the way I've done it always. But on the other hand, I was missing church the way I've done it for the past year. I missed the simple songs sung with piano only. I missed the kneeling to pray - prayers in which everyone gets involved. Though while I was there I often felt so restricted by the 'baptistness' and 'conservativeness', and longed for my home church.
It seems like everything, in returning home, is so much less than I expected it would be. I thought I would experience rather large 'reverse culture shock', but I seem to be having less than I expected. Like I said in an earlier post, most everything just seems so normal, like I was never gone. And I thought I would miss Ukraine more. And I do some, but not usually to the extent I thought I would. Sometimes I miss having a Yulia or an Alina to hold, or a Tania to chat with. I miss walking and talking with Larisa as we wait for the bus. I miss Tyotye Anya's hugs, and her urging me to take more food. I miss posting letters, strolling through the market, taking the marshrutka. I miss Russian - hearing it spoken all the time, and speaking it myself. While it's nice to be able to communicate effectively and easily on any level, I miss the Russian language. But I don't miss it all as much as I imagined I would. Everyone talks about readjusting, and I wonder what I'm missing. I wonder why it feels like, in most ways, I haven't even needed to readjust.
p.s. I have adjusted the settings so that anyone can post comments if they want, and you no longer have to be a registered blogspot user. So comment away if you like.
It seems like everything, in returning home, is so much less than I expected it would be. I thought I would experience rather large 'reverse culture shock', but I seem to be having less than I expected. Like I said in an earlier post, most everything just seems so normal, like I was never gone. And I thought I would miss Ukraine more. And I do some, but not usually to the extent I thought I would. Sometimes I miss having a Yulia or an Alina to hold, or a Tania to chat with. I miss walking and talking with Larisa as we wait for the bus. I miss Tyotye Anya's hugs, and her urging me to take more food. I miss posting letters, strolling through the market, taking the marshrutka. I miss Russian - hearing it spoken all the time, and speaking it myself. While it's nice to be able to communicate effectively and easily on any level, I miss the Russian language. But I don't miss it all as much as I imagined I would. Everyone talks about readjusting, and I wonder what I'm missing. I wonder why it feels like, in most ways, I haven't even needed to readjust.
p.s. I have adjusted the settings so that anyone can post comments if they want, and you no longer have to be a registered blogspot user. So comment away if you like.
posted by Anonymous at 5:22 pm
4 Comments:
I'm afraid there will never be a perfect church. I guess the good thing is, we are able to adapt. We need to be willing to worship in the setting we're in. I think that being critical is good, to a point. You need to look at things and question if it is right, or if it's simply different, or maybe it's just not the way you like best.
Anyhow. There's so much that could be debated about how we do church.
Your experience of church seems similar to what I experienced moving to Kingston. As you know, our church, and especially the worship, is very different from what we grew up with. When we first moved here, I really missed the type of worship I was used to and found it hard to connect with God in my new church. But the longer we've been here, the more I feel that cynical sort of feeling you describe when I'm back in a church like what we grew up with. And I really feel God's presence at Next.
The conclusion I've come to is that there are so many ways to worship God, not ONE right way. I used to think that a very charismatic, upbeat style of worship was the one true way to worship God. It wasn't true worship otherwise. But people are all so different. Whey wouldn't the ways to worship be so, also?
I think it's good to question and explore teaching (as well as how we connect with and worship God) continually. We should not take things to be true just because someone in authority says they are. One of my favourite things about Next is that questions, exploration and figuring stuff out for yourself are so encouraged.
When I read your comment Shawna, I am reminded of something Larisa said to me not long before I left. She said something along the lines of: we need to go to church not thinking about what we can get out of it for ourselves, but rather about what we can give, what we have to offer, and to serve others. We were talking about her teenaged niece who doesn't like going to church because she has no friends there. Larisa was making the point that if we go looking to give, instead of looking to recieve and make friends, God will bless us and give back to us. I think this is a valid point. But then on the other hand, there's the fact that we also go to church to be fed and nurished.
And Rachel, I agree with you when you say that there are so many different ways to worship God, and not one proper way. That was one of the things that so bothered me about the church I attended in Ukraine - what they had to say about music in the church: how it should not sound like the music "of the world", and it should make you want to pray and think about God, and it should definately not make you want to dance. Basically, that the way they do it is the proper way.
Hi Jill....great to hear you are back in Canada! Welcome home! It sounds like there are some adjustments to make, and that you are handling them well! Love you...
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