Wednesday, April 09, 2008

I sit here on the floor with my laptop spread in front of me, all white. The new post page on blogger blank empty flat white too. And I think about how I feel like writing, like I need to write, like I should write. It's all silliness, isn't it? But I don't know where to start or even what I intend to write about. So I write about the whiteness and about how I should write. Something, anything.

I was accepted first at Laurier. Then I was not accepted at Ryerson, due to "competition". And finally accepted at Queen's too. So no midwifery for me this year. I'm okay with that. Most of the time I wasn't expecting to get in the first time, not without any university. Sometimes I did think that I would get in. I had to get in. Why shouldn't I get in? But that was only every once in a while, when I'd forget that only 30 people will be accepted, and many who apply have much more education and relevant experience than I have. But I was still hopeful, and it was disappointing. I had planned a plan B, in the event that plan A didn't work out. Plan A: midwifery at Ryerson. Plan B: other relevant programs at Laurier or Queen's. But now that I'm on plan B, I'm not sure where to go from here. I had thought I would go to one school or the other, and then try again next year. And I will go to one of them, but now that I have not been admitted to Ryerson, I'm considering my options. Do I apply again next year to Ryerson? Do I try one of the other schools? Do I look elsewhere, outside of Canada, as well? I think I still want to pursue midwifery, though I realize it may take a long round about sort of way to get there. Maybe I will never even make it to there. I may get stuck somewhere else along that round about. And that's okay too I think. Things change. I think I may have a plan, but who really knows? After all, it's not about being there, but about getting there. About how you get there and what you do on the way. Living and enjoying and experiencing every part of time, each moment for what it is: the present. Not wishing to be at some other point in the future, or in the past. Making the most of it all, to the fullest. Being content. Every part in time brings something different. If you're not careful, I think you could miss it.