Thursday, August 14, 2008

I am excited, terrified, and anxious all at the same time. I feel unprepared and overwhelmed, but totally ready to be moving on and starting fresh. It's amazing how one can feel so many different things all at once. Once again, change happens. Moving to Kingston, returning to school. I dread being a student again: the papers, the studying. But I'm also excited to learn. I'll be starting first year with a generation of students 18ish years old mostly, born in 1990. Think about that for a minute. I feel old.

Yes, it's time for something new, something different. There's that restlessness, the sense that it's time. There's not a whole lot holding me in Kitchener. Some good friends, of course. Family. But there are new people to meet, and I'll still be around Kitchener. It will always be home. Even if my parents are planning on selling our house and moving to Tavistock while I'm away. This house that I've lived in all but three months and one year of my life. The only home I've ever known. There will be a bedroom for me, but I will be homeless. My life will likely contain temporary dwelling places for the next few years. Nothing permanent. I'm okay with that. But it will be strange to not have this place to come back to. It will be strange to drive by and see evidence of other people living in our house. It will be sad. These walls have never contained anyone but us, my family. They were built for us. And the yard, and the bush behind, where I spent so many hours of my childhood, exploring and playing, creating and hiding. The goldbrown of the creek glinting with sunlight filtering through the leaves. The paths, the hiding places, other peoples' discarded items which became our treasures. We knew all the best spots for forts, and all the best trees for climbing. Though the landscape has changed some over the years, I still know that bush like the back of my hand.

One more week of work at Equitable. I dread saying goodbye. I'm going to miss it there a lot. The people mostly. I like the people I work with, and it's sad to think of not seeing them every day. I've made some good friends there over the past almost-two-years. Friends despite an age difference in some cases. Friendships that span a gap of years. I like that, how age doesn't have to matter. And though we are at very different places in our lives, we can still share and talk and be friends.

There was more, but I think I'll end now. Another time.