Last week I had my first solo home birth. Amazed I made it almost three years into my practice before it happened. An unplanned home birth for a precipitating primip, at that. When I got there, she was laying on the bathroom floor and I could tell she was pushing, so I explained we probably didn't have time to drive to the hospital as had been the plan, and that I had everything in my car that we needed to have a baby safely at home, and they agreed to stay. I don't think we could have got her off that floor anyway. Once I called my second and brought everything in and got set up and my pulse and adrenaline settled. Just me and him and her, all crammed into their tiny overheated bathroom, feeling entirely competent to help usher this new soul into the world on my own.

Things I like about my new place:
The 9 large windows I have overlooking the main streets in town
Bare floors, no carpet
A large pantry
Bathroom storage
My new bed, queen-sized. I'm a proper grown-up now.
Being in a region that has a green bin program. Now to track down one of my own.

Things I miss about my old place:
Slanty ceilings
My balconies and having my own outdoor space
Crawl space storage

Starting to settle in and beginning to feel like home.

A few days off over Christmas. How fortunate am I to get that in my first year of practice?

Advent art
Sun shining on ice-encased branches and wires
Snow heavy in the branches, evergreens sagging under the weight
Sparkling snow in the headlights and on the road
Heated seats
Ice skating
Hobbits and fancy drinks
Sleep overs
Christmas eve service
Child angels, child shepherds, child animals
Christmas day crafting
Crocheting, stitching and beading, baking and painting

Visiting Grandma and singing the afternoon away (I'd be happy to harmonize with my family all day long)

Giving and receiving handmade gifts, gifts with souls
Hipster baby names
Silly games

My family are pretty much my favourite people.

Back to work again. Lunch yesterday with a couple other midwives, and a visit to a baby that was born while I was off. A quick and lovely morning birth, followed by an unexpected burst of motivation to get things done. It's been a productive day.

Algonquin:

evening light through the trees
the stillness as the sun sets
washing dishes in the lake
a toque on my head, my feet in the water
bugs skidding on the surface  of the water
crayfish
fish driving tanks
traded marshmallows
longjohns for sleeping
kings in the tent
a hair braiding train
a private island
wild raspberries
an overgrown path to the privy
burning pine cones
loon calls across the lake
paddling against the wind
winding river
rock, not frog
red sand beach
pretty pebbles
crooked trees
sand in my hair
mermaids on a rock
cumulus clouds
bird yoga
a moose at the water's edge
if it's not a bear it's a squirrel

Being the bearer of bad news is hard. Twice in one week.

My first miscarriage as a midwife. I had a fair amount of experience with miscarriage care as a student, but it still wasn't easy to make that phone call to share what the ultrasound confirmed.

And then my first abnormal ultrasound - a baby that looks like it has some pretty serious problems. I'm so thankful a more experienced midwife offered to go with me for that visit, and agreed to be the one to share the news with the unsuspecting parents, something I'd never done before. Next time (hopefully next time won't be any time soon) I'll have some idea of where to start and what to say. Because this time I certainly wouldn't have.

Last week I finished up my clerkship, the final placement of the MEP. This morning I wrote the first part of my final exam. It still hasn't fully sunk in yet that I'm done. It's always still seemed so far away, and now suddenly, it's happening. It sneaked up on me when I wasn't paying attention. I'll write the Canadian Midwifery Registration Exam in May, become registered, and will hopefully be working as a Registered Midwife by the fall. It's been a long haul getting here. It's been six years since I first started thinking seriously about midwifery, though my interest had been developing for years. The last four years have been some of the hardest and most rewarding of my life. They have been full of stress, anxiety, challenges, frustration, doubt, second-guessing, heartbreak, tears and ridiculously long days. But they have also been full of learning, elation, excitement, empowerment, love, laughter, confidence and success. I feel incredibly blessed and fortunate to be on this path. To have found something I love and to be able to do it. I feel eternally grateful to the women and families, the midwives and clients I've met along the way who have taught me that women are strong and that birth is beautiful. Who have helped me learn how to trust birth. I am also thankful for everyone who has loved and supported me through this journey: my wonderful family, friends old and new. To all of those who listened to my stories and frustrations. To those who let me cry and shared my tears. I feel honoured and humbled to be joining one of the oldest vocations on the planet, and to be following in the footsteps of wise women throughout history.

"This work we have done all the length of history. We were there in every place, in every language. Doing this work back through all the days and nights and centuries of history." Whitson

Moments like these: http://birthphotographers.com/2012-international-association-of-professional-birth-photographers-image-of-the-year-competition/

I have the best work ever.